Hi all.
I used to come here but its been a while. I have been slacking off on my writing for a while now but lately I can't get one of my back burner scripts out of my head. So now I am back at it and do not intend to stop until its done.

Title: Floating On Sycamores

Logline: A charmed life of stardom is the result of a young girls wish. A wish reconsidered when she is given a glimps of the life she missed out on.

Plese give me your opinions.
Thanks...........
........Billy........

Hi Billy,

It sounds a lot like “It’s a Wonderful Life” (The Family Man, Mr. Destiny or even Groundhog Day) Nothing wrong with that. There’s plenty you could do with it. The problem is your logline only immediately conjures images of other movies rather than show anything exciting and different about yours. What is the drama? What are the stakes? What’s the hook? What makes me care about this girl’s life?

What happens in the life that she missed out on that makes her reconsider her wish? Was it love? Did someone die because of her selfishness? Whatever that is needs to be included. You don’t want to count on someone wanting to read your script because they’re curious as to what spin you may or may not have put on a tried and true concept. Think about how the Butterfly Effect spun the concept.

Make your logline jump out at the reader and make it something they must read. Of course I have no idea what your story is about so I cannot offer suggestions. Maybe the character that is offering her the glimpse is what makes it unique.

Here’s an example:

A homely girl makes a wish for fame and fortune after she is brutalized by the snobby cheerleading squad. Unfortunately for her, her wish comes true and after being shown a glimpse of what her life would have been like she realizes that she made a horrible mistake.

That one’s not very good either but it’s just coming of the top of my head. I think you get the idea though. Keep at it and good luck.

Troy

As above.

So below.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Seeker,

Are there any "rules" for loglines?

I'm not sure it's a "rule" per say but your logline should generally be short and concise. I've never seen one - that I can recall - that was longer than two or three sentences.

A good rule of thumb is to think in terms of what the TV-guide listing for your movie might look like: Sideways logline - Two men reaching middle age with not much to show but disaapointment, embark on a week long road trip through California wine country, just as one is about to take a trip down the aisle.

(Sideways was the first movie to come to mind whose logline I could remeber)

Try doing a search for a couple of movies you REALLY like and know well but add the term logline, example: Spiderman movie logline. That should give you a better idea.

A funny sidebar-- it wasn't until I tried to write a logline (and couldn't!) for one of my early screenplays that I realized my script was absolute crap.

Live and learn, I guess.

quote:

Originally posted by Tuffe:
A funny sidebar-- it wasn't until I tried to write a logline (and couldn't!) for one of my early screenplays that I realized my script was absolute crap.

Live and learn, I guess.

I know exactly what you mean. I think my first two or three were total crap - one was salvageable the other two... RIP. I find it truly amazing when someone comes out of nowhere and their very first script turns into a monster hit. Diablo Cody comes to mind. But I guess the real trick is the follow-up.